Monday, July 14, 2014

Rethinking Food

I grew up with a "this is for breakfast, this is for lunch, and this is for dinner" mentality. On Sundays, we ate a big lunch and small dinner, and occasionally we had breakfast for dinner. But rarely did we have veggies for breakfast. I'm not knocking it, it's just how it was. Now that I'm trying to eat better I am trying to incorporate more veggies and fruit into all meals, not just lunch and dinner.

I have to tell you... breakfast was AH-MAZE-ING today!!! Two fresh eggs, homegrown tomato (I ate the whole thing), and some sauteed spinach. Yum!!!

I don't eat that everyday. Some days it's eggs and toast. Others it's oatmeal. Some days I just have a PR1ME90 protein shake. I don't do that often, but sometimes I just don't feel like eating, and so it works for me. I want to get more "raw" so I may start doing fruit or veggie smoothies and juicing, soon. I've always said I could never be vegetarian or vegan, but I'm kinda thinking along those lines. I have nothing against meat, but I'm learning I have so many food addictions (processed garbage that actually is addictive) that I want to get back to nature as much as possible with only small amounts of meat protein from chicken, fish, or eggs. I have a long way to go and a lot to learn as I embark on eating a healthier diet and living a healthier lifestyle.

My husband and children will be a challenge. They DO NOT care for veggies, and only a few fruits. And my kids would rather not eat than have to eat veggies or grilled chicken or fish. It's definitely a road I'll be traveling alone while hoping that some of my eating choices will rub off on them. Fortunately, my husband is VERY supportive and will help with limiting the processed crap in the house. It doesn't mean he and the kids won't eat it, but at least there won't be an overabundance of it here. Baby steps. I'll take it. Hopefully our nutrition roads will intersect more and more often until they are mostly on the same road with me.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

July Goal - Road to PTRR

Yesterday I posted that I planned to do the Peachtree Road Race next July 4th. I am COMMITTED to doing this. In the past, it's been an interest. I was interested in running or doing a race. I'm no longer interested. I will do it.

So, back in June I set a goal to walk 30 miles in July. It was a goal that I thought maybe I'd try to reach, but I wasn't putting any pressure on myself. You know, if I happened to hit it, great! But I was OK with not doing it, either.

Well, tomorrow starts my 30 miles for July.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Road to Peachtree

Yep. It's the day after the Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta, GA. Yep. I'm already talking about next year's race.

Nope. I didn't run it.

So, why am I talking about it? Well, my husband and son did it yesterday, so obviously I went to cheer them on. I had a number to do it, but I didn't train at all for it. When I finally started walking at home, about a month from the race, I could barely get a mile and a half in. I knew there was no way I'd get a 5K in, much less a 10K. The Peachtree is a 10K. I gave my number to a friend who had wanted to get in but didn't.

I stood on the side of the road and cheered for all the runners and walkers that came through. It was so exciting to see the fast and the not-so-fast coming through. The smiles on the faces of so many who were nearing the end of their 6.2 mile run, walk, or combination of the two. I looked at the results and saw that some finished the race in crazy-short times (yeah, these people definitely are used to running) and others who took more than two and a half hours to walk the course. It was then that I realized...

If they could do it, so could I!

So, I have 364 days to get ready. I've though about it and realized that I don't have to wait until I'm a size 10 or smaller to do this. I have two goals to reach by July 4, 2015. I will have lost at least 75.3 pounds. That will get me under 200. If you do the math, you'll see that my weight on July 4, 2014 was 275.2 pounds. While I'd love to be much less than that, I want to aim for do-able goals. This goal means I need to lose between 6-7 pounds a month. That's more than do-able. That's not even a pound and a half a week. My other goal is to be able to run half of the Peachtree. That's 3.1 miles... either straight or broken up... I don't care. But I want to be able to run half of it.

So, there you go. I'm giving myself a year to get ready. But it's a year that I'm going to WORK to get ready - not waiting until a month or two to try and get up enough endurance to walk 6+ miles. Twelve months. I'm going to do it! I may even surpass those goals. Who knows? I'm not focusing on that. One thing at a time so as not to get overwhelmed, right?

I thought I'd share some photos from yesterday's Peachtree. Enjoy! Next year I'll be sharing photos someone took of me running this race!


Thursday, May 1, 2014

Before I'm 40

I just realized that I'm going to be 40. No, not in the immediate future, but in just over a year and a half I will be 40.


I do not want to be 275 pounds at the age of 40!

I do not want to be 200 pounds at the age of 40!

I don't know what weight I want to be, but those weights are a whole lot more than what I want for me. It's not that I really care about the number. I don't, really. I just want to be fit and healthy, and I know my body enough to know that at 200 pounds I won't be as fit and healthy as I could be, and I am definitely not fit and healthy at my current 270-277 range I've been hanging out at.

Yes, I've lost a little bit of weight. And I'm proud of that accomplishment. My highest weight was nearly 290... that's way to close to 300 for me. I'm only 5'1" so I am nearly as big around as I am tall. This is unacceptable.

So... I figured I'd list some goals to aim for and reach by the time I'm 40.

1. Lose 100 pounds. I don't know if I'll be as fit and healthy as I want to be at around 170. I don't think I will be. But I will be closer. Plus, I think aiming for 100 pounds lost in a year and half is reasonable. Maybe I'll lose more. But I'll aim for 100 pounds and then reassess.

2. Go to an amusement park and not worry about the ride's safety bar being able to latch. True story. I went to Six Flags Over Georgia a couple years ago with family and friends. A couple of the rides the attendant had to put his entire body weight into pushing the bar into my abdomen just to get it to latch. My fat was spilling over both sides of the bar. I was humiliated. I haven't gotten back on the ride since. I don't even fit in the seats on the Scream Machine.

3. Cross my legs like a lady. I don't want to have to reach down to grab my ankle so I can place my calf over my knee when riding in the car. I want to cross my legs knee-over-knee like a lady does. I want to wear a dress and not have to keep both feet on the floor because I can't keep my top leg on top of my lower leg when crossing them like a lady would sit.

And a couple biggies for me.... the voices in the back of my head that I just can't shut off.

4. I will prove them wrong. You know, those people who bring you down when you're trying. They say things like this:

You've tried before and failed.
You're bigger now than before you went on a diet.
You gonna stick to your diet this time?
One cookie/slice of cake won't hurt you. You're going to blow it anyway.

5. Prove to myself that my beauty and self-worth has nothing to do with how much fat I have on my body. This is major for me. Someone, who I love dearly, told me once, "You were so pretty when you were skinnier." Do you know what that does to a person? Someone who you thought would always tell you how beautiful you are suddenly telling you that you used to be pretty? It devastated me. And I can't shut it off. I've tried. I'd never felt ugly, even though I am obese, until this person said that. And it has stuck. It's there, and I can't shut it off. And so help me, I am going to shut it off. And I will confront this person. But I won't do it until I can do it in a way that isn't hurtful, because I won't hurt someone the way I was hurt. But I will tell this person that what those words did to me, and when I am able I will be able to tell that person with full conviction that fat, weight, and physical appearance doesn't define beauty. I'm not there yet. I'm still working through it myself. But I will get there.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Eating Clean

So... heaven help me. I've decided to start cutting processed food out of my diet.... eating more clean. We bought a few foods tonight to get me started - like real oatmeal, not the kind that's flavored and all sugared up. I've already cut artificial sweeteners out of my diet. I'm moving on to cutting sugar and increasing "real" food.

This is going to be a process, not an "all-or-nothing" event. I'm trying to ease into it and learn a little bit at a time how to eat healthier with the goal of being healthy. This is a major change for me as I have lived my life on a diet it seems. I mean, the name of this blog is Confessions of a Chronic Dieter. I'm either on a diet or out of control. There never really has been a focus on health. Oddly enough, thanks to social media and the Facebook page I created with this same name, I've come across so many people who are focusing on health and fitness, and the weight is coming off as a result. They aren't dieting, but rather they are living.

Another push toward better help came from my partnership with Zija International. I found out about this amazing tree names Moringa. It's also known as "The Miracle Tree." The nutrition found in this God-made and God-given tree is phenomenal. Take a look at this photo:

I'm learning about giving my body the nutrients it needs through the moringa products I get from Zija. I don't want to put all that junk in my body anymore. I want real food to make up my regular diet, and the "junk" to be the rare treats... not the other way around. If you have any clean eating tips, recipes, or resources please feel free to share. This is all new to me.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

To run or not to run, that is the question....

My husband has this goal. He wants to run in the Peachtree Road Race. That's a 10K. I've never run a 5K, much less a 10K. Well, let me rephrase that. I've done 5K races in the past. I walked most of it, and it took me an hour, but I did them.

This was prior to knee surgeries and adding about 30 pounds back onto my already obese 5'1" frame. I haven't run (or gone for a slow trot) since taking a nasty fall and two knee surgeries. I miss it, I think.

Above is a family photo taken before a run we did in 2010. I ended up mad at myself because I missed a turn and ended up not actually finishing the course. Everyone was so excited that I shaved like 15 minutes off my time, but really I shaved part of the course off my race. I couldn't bring myself to accept that time officially, so I ended up with a DNF. Kinda bummed, but I would know I didn't finish.

So, my husband signs us up to join the Atlanta Track Club. I was all for it at the time. But yesterday some stuff came in the mail from them.... membership stuff, a t-shirt.... Oh. My. Gosh. This. Is. Real. I need to start running.

To say I'm terrified is an understatement. I weigh right now somewhere in the 270s. I was at least 20 pounds lighter in 2010. I'm scared of injuring my knees again. I'm scared of the pain that I know will come until I get some weight off and I condition my body to do that sort of movement again.

But I want to be a runner!

I want to run The Peachtree. I have no idea if I can do it by July 4th since I don't run at all now. I not only want to run (or run/walk) it, I don't want to feel like I'm about to die in the process.

I found some reasons to start running, according to Women's Health Magazine. Here's a bit of what they say...
1. It's easy. If they say so! But what they mean is, a good sports bra and some running shoes are all you really need. You don't need fancy equipment to run.
2. But it's hard. Huh? Say what? Yup. It's hard. It's one heck of a workout. You will soak that sports bra and whatever else you're wearing. It'll burn some major calories. It also makes your heart stronger the harder you workout.
3. Your knees... they'll be thankful you run. Wait! What? Really? Well, according to this article, yes. Runners are more likely to be at a normal weight. People who are at a normal weight are less likely to get osteoarthritis. That junk hurts. Note to self: Get over the fear of hurting your knees now... they may hurt a whole lot more if you get osteoarthritis in them.
4. Less stress. Yup. Running reduces anxiety. Not only does it reduce anxiety, but a study found that it works better than relaxing in a chair. Crap. There goes my excuse for not working out. This article also says that running is used to treat clinical depression and other psychological disorders such as drug and alcohol addiction. Huh. Who knew?

5. Disease prevention. Studies have found that the most active people have lower chances of developing some forms of cancer. Running is also linked to lower blood pressure, better cholesterol levels, and stronger immune system.
6. Live longer. Research has found that regular exercise could reduce disability and risk of death.

OK, so I guess it's time to put my running fears behind me. Those are just a few reasons to run. I'm curious. Why do you run? Or are you not a runner? What's holding you back from running? If you aren't a runner, what do you do to get in or keep in shape? I'd love to hear from you. Please feel free to respond here or on my Facebook page.

Happy running!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

So maybe I've lost my mind....

I mean, seriously... what obese person wants a visual representation of his-or-herself? Yet, that's exactly what I'm going to do. I was thinking about how often when people are losing weight they just don't see the weight loss. I mean, they could lose 25, 50, even 100 pounds, but they often don't see the difference in their bodies that others see. Yesterday, I had a friend take a before shot of me at the gym in my tight-fitting gym apparel (that I covered up with a big t-shirt). And it'll be good to see the difference as I lose weight. But I wanted to see my body shrink with time.

I remembered seeing somewhere... maybe it was an episode of Extreme Weight Loss? I can't remember. Anyway, I remember seeing somewhere that someone had drawn an outline of how they saw their body, and then that person laid against that drawing and the actual outline was drawn. There was a significant difference in how that person viewed her body and her body's actual shape.

So, that gave me an idea. I'm going to get some butcher paper that is as long as my body. I'll probably have to tape two pieces together for the width. I'm not tiny. Then, I'm going to swallow my pride and get my husband to trace my body. I'm going to date it and put the weight on the original outline. Then, somewhere between every 25-50 pounds I lose, I'm going to do it again, making sure to add the date and weight. What a great visual to see progress along the way! I'm going to use it alongside my before photos, which I'm planning on taking regularly.

Speaking of before photos... I can't believe I'm sharing this, but hey, I need to be accountable. This is me, after a workout yesterday. I'm only going to get healthier and more fit! That's the reason I'm trying to lose weight. It isn't about fitting some mold or trying to get to a point where I love me, it's about loving myself now and getting fit and healthy because I love me! So, here you go! The last time I plan on weight 273 pounds. Ever!!!