Day 5 Rocked!

Hey, hey, hey!!!

Today was an awesome day! I stayed somewhat busy doing little things here and there all day. It was a completely different day from yesterday. I even put on makeup today!!!

There I am, looking all goofy. That was not the best camera angle. I'm not a good selfie taker.

This morning I decided to attack my cabinets in the kitchen. I couldn't figure out why we couldn't fit groceries in there. So, I got rid of the old stuff and the stuff I just didn't need to keep around. Most went in the trash, but I moved things around and the stuff we don't get into that often I moved up (like all the popcorn my husband and kids have). I did find some goodies to send to my mom, who bakes.

Yes, there are three bags of powdered sugar here. I don't even have a good excuse for having this much powdered sugar.

This evening I went to support my friends who are raising the funds to adopt. There was a fundraising event at a local coffee shop. My big victory for the day was not getting a coffee drink. It was hot outside, but I bought a bottle of water rather than blow my day on the momentary pleasure of drinking a sugar and cream filled drink. And I didn't even miss it!

And my discovery for the day... natural peanut butter mixed with plain Greek yogurt. Oh my goodness! It was so yummy!

And before I go, I wanted to take a minute and invite you to join me on Facebook on my Confessions of a Chronic Dieter page if you haven't already. Thanks a bunch for all your support.

Day 4... In a funk and Out Again

I don't know if it was the low-carbs or what, but today was tough. I ate just fine. Only thing is, I had no desire to get off my butt. I just didn't feel like doing anything. I finally made a promise to myself that I was determined to keep. I said I'd do five minutes of something... anything... aerobic. Later, I claimed I'd dance in my living room to two songs.

Here's the amazing thing.

My funk started to clear up. Seriously. It did. I danced, and I looked ridiculous. Trust me, no one is ever going to want to take me out to a club or anything like that (good thing that's not my idea of fun, huh?), but I had fun. I got my heart rate up. Will someone remind me next time I'm in a funk that I just need to do something fun for five minutes... or in this case, seven? I feel so much better now.

I cheated... but it's not what you think. Oh, and Carb Cycling - Day 3

Just a quick post tonight since it's almost 11PM, and I'm tired. I woke up a little late today, so my first meal wasn't until 9AM. That meant my last of five meals was at 9PM. Yikes! I don't eat meals that late, as a rule. Now junk food, sure. LOL

Today was a high-carb day for me. That just basically meant I didn't eat healthy fats, but rather I ate healthy carbs instead. I'm still learning this, so for my carbs I stuck with fruit. I feel like I have eaten so much today, but my calories stayed just over 1200 for the day. At some point I'll figure out how to balance it all out so that I'm eating a wider variety of foods. I'm not bored... yet. haha I'm not a creature of habit with food. I get bored if I eat the same thing over and over again. However, I'm trying to change my relationship with food. It's time to eat to live rather than living to eat.

The family headed out for a walk/bike ride this afternoon. The boy and I walked while hubby and the girl rode their bikes. It was hot as heck, but we got it done. I could feel ashamed for only being able to go about three-fourths a mile, but I'm not. I'm working to get stronger, fitter, and faster with more endurance. I look at it as a phenomenal start!

OK, so for my confession... I cheated. Here's what happened. I'm extremely impatient. I can't help it. I try to be patient, and sometimes I'm successful. Other times, I completely fail.

Today was one of those times.

I stepped on the scale. I'm not supposed to step on the scale until Saturday per the guidelines in the Choose More, Lose More for Life book by Chris Powell. I mean, I didn't totally blow the plan, but he says to stay off the scale and just weigh in once a week due to weight fluctuations throughout the week. I'm not gonna say what I saw when I looked at the scales, but providing it wasn't a fluke and I keep at it... Saturday I'm going to love posting my week 1 results.

Carb-Cycling - Day 2... and Why I'm Finally Doing This

Wow! I made it through two days of carb-cycling... and I'm pretty sure my family and friends are going to get tired of me saying, "Chris Powell says....." LOL Two days in, and I consider them both a success. I wasn't nearly as hungry today as I was yesterday. Yesterday I wondered at some times if I could stand being hungry this much. But honestly, I think it was my body saying, "What the heck do you think you're doing?"

The first two days were low-carb, so that means tomorrow is high-carb. Yay! Fruit!! That might just be the hardest thing to get used to is not eating fruit whenever I want. But I can do this. I can handle strategically eating my fruits if it's going to give me the results I'm after. Not only that, but Sunday will be my "Reward Day." I need to go back and see if I still eat five small meals on the reward day, or if I eat on my family's schedule. We are not all on the same schedule, and while it makes it a little more challenging, they know why I'm doing what I'm doing. Patrick and I sat down with the kids and explained to them why things are different now.

Which brings me to my next topic... Why the heck am I doing this? Why now? What's taken me so long to get serious?

Last week we were on vacation in Florida. Patrick's parents live there, so we visit often. While we were there, my father-in-law got everyone tickets to go to Andretti Thrill Park. Go-karts. Small seats. Big butt. There was no way I would fit in that little bitty thing. I told Patrick I didn't think I would participate because I was pretty sure I wouldn't fit. After his first time in the go-kart, he came to me and told me I had made a good call... it was a tight squeeze for him.

My father-in-law had bought tickets for all of us to go karting, and all I could do was the miniature golf. As I stood on the side and watched, I had a lot of time to think. I decided then and there that I was not going to sit out and watch my family have fun anymore. I couldn't go karting. I struggle with amusement park rides. I can't ride a roller coaster anymore (though I'm not entirely sure I want to). I don't comfortably sit in an airplane seat, and I have to get a seat belt extender. Physical activity is a struggle. At the park, I can't play on the equipment with my kids. I watch other parents go down slides with their kids, and I look at the slide and try to determine if the slide is more narrow than my butt.

This is no way to live, folks. I'm not happy. I'm always embarrassed about my appearance. I stopped wearing makeup most of the time because in my warped way of thinking I figured maybe if I didn't dress it up people wouldn't look. And then I figured that makeup wouldn't help anyway. It doesn't disguise obesity.

So, here it is. I'm being accountable. If you've ever watched Extreme Weight Loss, one of the things Chris Powell says (see, I told you I'm gonna say that) is that it's important to get that first weigh-in done in your sports bra and shorts and in front of your loved ones (and apparently a viewing audience on TV). Well, I'm not exactly on the show, and I can't exactly gather my friends and family to strip down and step on a scale. So, this is the best I could do. It's taking every ounce of courage I have to post this here, not knowing who might look or what they might think. I guess if anyone comments I might know what they are thinking. Know that this is a starting point. It isn't pretty. It is downright embarrassing.

We talked to the kids tonight and explained why I'm doing this... why I'm eating five smaller meals a day, and not necessarily at the same times the rest of the family eats... why it appears that I'm always eating (trust me, it feels like that)... and we also talked about how to be supportive. One of the things we discussed was no making fun of me. I'm out of shape. I'm fat. There are things I can't do. Their job is to love me anyway and encourage me. Family, friends, and even strangers who see this blog... I ask the same of you. Please don't put me down or laugh at me... I don't think you will, but I just feel like I need to tell you what I need from you. This is hard enough as it is. Please encourage me. When I fall, help me get back up. Tell me I can do it. When I don't believe it, believe it for me. Please. I know I'm motivated now, but there are going to be days when I am not feeling so motivated. Help me remember why I want this so much.

If you made it this far, you need a cookie... but I don't have one to give you. I can offer you some avocado. LOL Thank you for your support. Love you..... Tricia

Carb Cycling - Day 1

I made it through day 1!!! I am just taking it one day at a time. Not even gonna worry about tomorrow until tomorrow. Getting used to eating five small meals is going to take some getting used to, as is not eating fruits randomly throughout the day. Food pairings were interesting, too. I mean, I ate a can of tuna with mashed up avocado. Strange, but good. Who knew??

My favorite thing I ate today was grilled chicken, tomato, avocado, and green beans. Each bite of chicken I ate I also had avocado and tomato on the fork. Oh my goodness... so good!

Dear Chris and Heidi

My head started getting in my way today. I've been saying all week that when I get home from vacation I'm going to start your program. Well, I'm starting on Monday. However, today I started fretting. What if I can't do this? What if it's hard?

What if? What if? What if?

So, I posted on my page asking if anyone had done carb cycling and for any tips on food prep and such. I didn't get a "yeah, I've done that," but I did get a response from someone saying they just looked at it on your page and it looks doable. I asked if she wanted to do it with me, and she said she needed a little motivation - and I might be just what she needed. She's getting the book.

Amazing!!! Here I am freaking myself out... haven't even started yet... and maybe I'm going to be able to encourage someone else. What a way to get out of the freaked-out state, huh?

I'm still a little scared. What if it doesn't work? What if I screw it up? What will others think of me? Will I be embarrassed if it doesn't work? It's all this self-doubt I have to work through. But I finally came to the realization that what others possibly think of me or any embarrassment I might feel if I struggle can't be any worse that what others think of me or how embarrassed I am now at nearly 300 pounds.

So, Monday I start. Freaking out and all.

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

Don't believe me? I'm living proof. I haven't written here in a long while. Almost a year, to be honest. I haven't thought about this blog. Sure, I posted here and there on my Facebook page, but I really haven't been that active there either.

That probably has something to do with the fact that I haven't been that active. Period.

You know how when you aren't doing what you know you should, you sort of avoid anything that might hold you accountable? That's where I've been. Nothing has changed, so nothing has changed.

So where does that leave me?

I'm going to be 40 in September, and I swore to myself I would be healthier and fitter by then. At this rate, I'm not going to make it. I'm still hovering in the 280s. That's not something to be proud of. I'm not exercising. As a matter of fact, right now I should be up and doing something productive (like laundry) but instead I'm sitting here convincing myself that I need to write this blog post.

I have got find a way to embrace the pain and sweat that comes with making a change. If I don't do something now, I'm going to be 500 pounds. I don't want that. I want to be that person who literally worked her butt off. Stomach and thighs, too.

This is my prayer... a cry for help... Lord, help me to move past the desire to get fit and on to the determination and will to do what it takes. I can't do it alone. I realize that. Please help me find the will each day to get active... to make good food choices... to do it even when it's hot...or when I'm tired... when people are watching... when I feel like people are watching. Help me to get over myself and realize that if I don't do it because I'm self-conscious, then I will never do it. Help me to ignore people who laugh and mock this 281.8 pound body when she's trying to better herself. Help me turn this fat into "thick skin" so that the laughs and criticism don't cut me to the core. Help me find me. The strong me that I know is buried somewhere beneath the fat.

Amen.