Back At It

You know, this blog is called "Confessions of a Chronic Dieter for a reason. I have been on numerous diets since I was a teenager, which honestly is not good for the body. But, like so many people, I struggle with it. I'm "good" for a few days, and then temptation sneaks up on me. It starts with just a cupcake. Or maybe it's the lure of a regular Coke in the checkout line. Someone has a birthday. It's always something.

So, here I am again, starting over. I have to keep trying. If I don't, then I will surely continue to gain weight. I can't afford that - not just monetarily, but for my health. My knees hurt, my body aches, I can't keep up with my kids, and little things wear me out. I know that my weight is the reason. And I'm sick of it.

On the vanity side of things, I want to look good. I want to put on a pair of jeans and tuck in my shirt, or at least not have to find shirts long enough to cover my belly. I want to wear dresses and skirts without my thighs rubbing together and hurting. I don't want to hear, "You have such a pretty face." That's code for, "You'd be pretty if you lost weight." I don't want a new man (I love and am happy with my hubby), but it'd be nice to maybe turn a head or two. Like I said, it's vanity talking... but it's honest.

So, like I said... I'm back at it. I joined the gym this morning. I had a Greek yogurt before going to the gym and an Herbalife shake when I got home. I took a multivitamin and a cell activator (an Herbalife product that helps the cells absorb the nutrients). I'm determined to do this.

And for those who read this and are saying that I do this all the time, say this is my time, I'm going to do it, I'm super-motivated, what makes this time so different - you know... all those negative comments or thoughts.... I have to be optimistic! I have to believe that this is the time. I have to believe that this time is going to be different. I have to believe I can do it. Otherwise, what would be the point of even trying? I have to believe, and I have to try... otherwise I'll never succeed.

The Good and the Bad

Let's start with the bad....

I skipped breakfast, unless you count coffee as breakfast. I just couldn't bring myself to eat breakfast this morning. And before anyone even thinks it, no I'm not pregnant. I wasn't quite awake yet. I stayed up until nearly 3AM writing a paper for my Masters class. I know the importance of breakfast, and I honestly didn't mean to skip that meal. But by the time I was up and ready to go I didn't have time and I wasn't ready for a meal yet.

OK, now for the good....

I went for a walk today. It was a leisurely walk, but it was a walk. I haven't done that in a while due to my knee problem. But even more, I didn't get anything at Dairy Queen tonight. After everyone in the house had finished with walks, run, and bike rides (we were an active family tonight) Patrick wanted a Blizzard. He said he'd make sure the kids got their showers and got in bed if I'd go. So, off I went to DQ. I ordered him his usual Reece's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard, and I came home with nothing. I did make myself an Herbalife chocolate and peanut butter Healthy Meal shake since I hadn't had dinner yet. I honestly wasn't hungry earlier, so I didn't eat earlier.

Happy Independence Day!

Today we celebrate our country's independence. Well, I'm going to declare my independence today, too... from fat. Yup. You heard me. I'm declaring my independence from fat.

Now, I know it won't happen overnight, and that's OK. Anything that is worth having is worth working for. Here's what I know.....

**I'm going to have to fight. Daily. And I won't win every battle. The important thing is to never surrender.

** I will have to have a plan. I can't wage this war against fat without a plan.. without an end goal in mind and a course of action I'm willing to take to get there.

** It is going to be hard. If it were easy, there would be no overweight or obese people. We'd all do the right thing to keep healthy, and we wouldn't have a need for a weight-loss plan.

** It's going to be so worth it.


So, I started today with Herbalife for my morning and midday meal. I'm drinking water. I haven't had any soda. (Actually, I gave the sodas we had here at the house to the church for the youth group activities.) I'm removing the house of as much temptation as I can. If it's not here, it's hard to cave in and indulge. Dinner tonight will be grilled burgers. (It is Independence day... we have to cookout!)

Tomorrow, I'll start the day with Herbalife. I'll also add in some movement and high protein snacks. Our dinners will be grilled/baked/broiled and lean, and we're going to have more fruits and veggies around here. Healthy food will make for a healthy body.

I will lose weight, and I will get stronger. I will be free of excess fat!!!!

Home!!! Now time to make changes!

What a wonderful vacation we had. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with family. We went to Disney's Hollywood Studios and Legoland, and then we settled in for a few days of just chilling out together. We loved going to the beach. I'd forgotten how much I loved splashing in the waves.

So, now that I'm home I need to get serious. I already know what to do to get my eating in check. Saying that part is easy isn't quite right, because honestly if eating the right things to stay trim and healthy were easy obesity wouldn't be such a problem in this country. But, I know what to do. I don't have to search for way to eat right. I know what to do, I just need to do it.

Now, what I need to do is figure out the gym thing. I basically have two options that I'm looking at. One is going back to Gold's Gym. I love Gold's Gym. They have great classes (Power and Kick are awesome, and I'm dying to try Zumba.) There are two locations, one of which has a pool - big bonus for the colder months. The other option is this gym a bunch of friends have been going to. I don't know if there are classes, but I don't think there are. But what they do have, if I'm understanding my friends' explanations correctly, is someone to teach you what to do and set you on a routine. Not only that, he monitors your progress... something I need. I need someone to hold me accountable. Someone who won't accept my excuses. Someone who will know my limitations and help me on a path to getting fit and working around those limitations. (Mainly, my knee. I can't do squats or lunges at this point due to knee issues.)

I could kick myself in the tail for gaining back what I had lost. I had lost about 30 pounds, but two hand surgeries, and knee surgery, and problems with the other knee derailed me. I let excuses get in the way of at least eating healthily. I guess I figured if I couldn't exercise like I had been, then what was the point?? Then I joined Weight Watchers and did well.. until I lost my job. Had to quit going to WW because of money, so I made excuses about why I couldn't eat right. I gotta quit making excuses and start doing.

Ugh... I hate that this is so dang hard. Guess it's time to stop making excuses and start making decisions.. like what I'm finally going to do to get fit and healthy.

Vacation

Isn't that a beautiful word???

We're visiting my in-laws... it's awesome... get to spend time with family and go to the beach! Win-win!!

But, and there's always a but... I had to get a swimsuit. The one I'd worn for a few years (yes, years!) is pretty worn out. So, off my mother-in-law and I went in search of a swimsuit.

First stop - Kohl's. What in the world were the people at Kohl's thinking? I know they have buyers who select the clothing they are going to carry in their stores. They must think that if someone is overweight that their brain is too full of fat cells to have any sort of fashion sense. Or something. I found only one suit that was tolerable, and it was $92. That's about $75 more than I'd want anyone to spend on a suit they found simply "tolerable."

So, we went to Lane Bryant. There I was able to find a tankini and bottom that I actually liked, though I must admit I'm showing a bit more up top than I've ever shown. I'm sure that will make for an interesting first few trip out, either too the beach or pool.

So, tomorrow will be the first trip out... the beach. I'm kinda scared. LOL

Ash Wednesday - Lent, Day 1

Being raised Southern Baptist, giving up something for Lent wasn't really our thing. Honestly, I thought it was a Catholic thing. Now, having been married to a Methodist and going to a Methodist church for 11 years now, I'm sorta getting the idea of Lent. I've only observed Lent once. I had decided to give up coffee. The only problem with that was the first day of Lent was smack-dab in the middle of a vacation week. We were at Disney. Our family happily got up and carried ourselves down to the breakfast buffet. Not thinking, I made myself a cup of coffee. Halfway through the cup I remembered what day it was, and I nearly choked. LOL

So, this year our preacher has encouraged us to do not give something up, but to take something on. I'm still trying to get the hang of giving something up. I think the problem I had with the idea of giving something up was that in my mind it needed honor God somehow, and I couldn't figure out how giving up coffee would honor God or help me grow spiritually. So, I've decided to take something on this year. But, wouldn't you know that when I find a way to honor God in Lent by taking something on, I also find a way to do it though giving something up??? What's a girl to do but do both, right?

Taking on: Prayer. I will be honest and say that I don't pray as often as I should. Oh yeah, I pray when someone's sick or I'm in a bind. But honest, daily talks with God.... I don't do that. I do it sporadically, at best. I'm committing to pray for our church and the school system, specifically.

Giving Up: I've decided to give up sweets (candy, cakes/cupcakes, cookies, desserts, etc), sugared sodas, and junk snack food. Laying in bed last night, really wondering what to do about Lent this year - and wondering if I was even going to do anything about it at all - it hit me. I've been trying to lose weight for so long, and I always get sidetracked by what out to be indulgences. I don't honor God with my body. I've taken horrible care of the body He gave me. It's time I treated the body He gave me with the care He'd want me to. God doesn't want me to be fat and unhealthy. So, I'm ousting some of the very things that stand in the way of me getting and being healthy. I've already limited the things I'm giving up, but I'll be honest and say that I've indulged in them a lot more than I should lately.

So, there you go. In 40 days(I think)I hope to have a better relationship with God, and also be be healthier.

Moommy

Yesterday I was flipping through pages of one of my notebooks because my husband said our daughter had drawn on some of the pages. I ran across a picture she drew for me, and at the top she wrote my name. "Moommy."

One one hand, it was hysterical. On the other hand, I thought maybe it was a bit sad. The "moo" part, I mean. I know my daughter wasn't comparing me to a cow. But so many days I feel like a cow. You know. Stand around (sitting, in my case) doing nothing but eat and watch the day slip by. There's a lot of life I could be living, but I'd gotten used to being my size. I'd come to accept that "I'm just going to be fat." I'd gotten comfortable doing nothing.

I've toyed with getting fit. I go on various diets. I've got a full shelf of diet and exercise books upstairs in the bedroom. If I put them out at a yard sale, people would look at them and then at me, and then they'd walk away saying those books must not work. I've come to the realization that a diet isn't going to work. I've got to change the way I view food and my diet (not a thing I go on, but the foods I consistently put in my body)needs a drastic overhaul.

This lifestyle change, because I refuse to call it a diet, is hard as heck. I wish I could tell you that I don't crave or want the junk. That hasn't happened for me yet, but it's getting better. Weekends are still my undoing, and this one has been no different. But I think it's been better. I'm working to make today as good as I can so I can say the whole weekend wasn't wasted.

Goals for the Week
1. Drink my two Herbalife shakes each day and have a healthy meal at dinner. Have the Herbal Tea with my shakes.
2. Drink 128oz of water each day. That's 4 quarts. It's 1 gallon. It's doable.
3. Move! Aim for 30 minutes of exercise each day. I wish I could get back to Gold's Gym. It's a bit odd to say I love a gym, but I really do love that place. Since I can't do the gym right now, I'm aiming for activity on the Wii. I've got Wii Fit, Zumba, Wii Active, and I've borrowed Just Dance 2. I have no excuse to not do something.