What Doesn't Motivate Me

A person I love, who shall remain nameless, has made comments to me regarding my weight. I know this person means nothing but love and encouragement - but it doesn't help. Telling me my butt isn't getting smaller, I was pretty when I thinner, I'd be so pretty if I lost weight... you get the idea... does not motivate me.

I'm trying... really trying... to take the negative comments as encouragement, but it's hard.

I have learned that I do so much better when I'm on Weight Watchers, so I'll be looking to head back there very soon.

**Sigh**

Out of the mouths of babes...

OK, so out of the mouth of one babe in particular. Today while standing in line at Kroger C looked over at the cover of the magazines. There was the National Inquirer staring her in the face. It was this cover.

And then, with no ill intent or meanness to her voice she said, "Look at that girl, Mommy. It looks like you."

There I stood, no idea what to say... beet red with embarrassment. How could I get on to her for stating what she saw. She wasn't trying to be mean or to hurt my feelings. And later on, she was hugging me and loving on me. My size didn't affect her love for me.

But I cringed. I don't want to be a rail-thin model (who I know is most likely airbrushed on the magazine covers), but I don't want to be that obese person, either. It was eye-opening. It strengthens my resolve to have no excuses for why I can't exercise and why I can't stick to a healthy eating plan. C isn't going to love me any less if I don't lose weight, but I hope that in the process I can make my six-year-old daughter proud of me. I want to be a good role model for her in so many ways, good health being one of them.

No Excuses

I listen to a station called The Fish. This morning they were talking about overcoming obstacles. A lady named Sandra called in and shared her story. She and her husband had been in an accident, and in that accident she lost her husband and her ability to walk. She had to relearn how to do it. Before the accident nine months ago she had been a runner, so it was a big adjustment for her to have to have a wheelchair or walker. Since relearning how to walk she has done three 5Ks and is planning on doing more.

It got me to thinking. Sandra could have very well said after the accident, “Well, guess I can’t walk anymore.” She could have accepted that this was her new life. But she didn’t. She didn’t make excuses for why she couldn’t do it. She just did it… even when it was hard… probably even when she didn’t want to. She didn’t give up on what she wanted because getting there required work.

Sandra probably had no idea when she called the radio station this morning that she would touch someone. She made me realize that I have no excuse for not eating right and getting to the gym. “I’ve had a long day at work” won’t cut it. “I’m too tired” shouldn’t really be in my vocabulary. I’ve got a lot of weight to lose, and sitting around wishing I could lose weight is not going to make it happen. If I want it, I have to be willing to work for it. No excuses. If I’m too tired work or cook a healthy meal, I probably don’t want to reach my weight loss goal badly enough. I need to determine if my reason is valid or not. If it’s not a valid reason, then I need to do what my body needs.

Back At It

You know, this blog is called "Confessions of a Chronic Dieter for a reason. I have been on numerous diets since I was a teenager, which honestly is not good for the body. But, like so many people, I struggle with it. I'm "good" for a few days, and then temptation sneaks up on me. It starts with just a cupcake. Or maybe it's the lure of a regular Coke in the checkout line. Someone has a birthday. It's always something.

So, here I am again, starting over. I have to keep trying. If I don't, then I will surely continue to gain weight. I can't afford that - not just monetarily, but for my health. My knees hurt, my body aches, I can't keep up with my kids, and little things wear me out. I know that my weight is the reason. And I'm sick of it.

On the vanity side of things, I want to look good. I want to put on a pair of jeans and tuck in my shirt, or at least not have to find shirts long enough to cover my belly. I want to wear dresses and skirts without my thighs rubbing together and hurting. I don't want to hear, "You have such a pretty face." That's code for, "You'd be pretty if you lost weight." I don't want a new man (I love and am happy with my hubby), but it'd be nice to maybe turn a head or two. Like I said, it's vanity talking... but it's honest.

So, like I said... I'm back at it. I joined the gym this morning. I had a Greek yogurt before going to the gym and an Herbalife shake when I got home. I took a multivitamin and a cell activator (an Herbalife product that helps the cells absorb the nutrients). I'm determined to do this.

And for those who read this and are saying that I do this all the time, say this is my time, I'm going to do it, I'm super-motivated, what makes this time so different - you know... all those negative comments or thoughts.... I have to be optimistic! I have to believe that this is the time. I have to believe that this time is going to be different. I have to believe I can do it. Otherwise, what would be the point of even trying? I have to believe, and I have to try... otherwise I'll never succeed.

The Good and the Bad

Let's start with the bad....

I skipped breakfast, unless you count coffee as breakfast. I just couldn't bring myself to eat breakfast this morning. And before anyone even thinks it, no I'm not pregnant. I wasn't quite awake yet. I stayed up until nearly 3AM writing a paper for my Masters class. I know the importance of breakfast, and I honestly didn't mean to skip that meal. But by the time I was up and ready to go I didn't have time and I wasn't ready for a meal yet.

OK, now for the good....

I went for a walk today. It was a leisurely walk, but it was a walk. I haven't done that in a while due to my knee problem. But even more, I didn't get anything at Dairy Queen tonight. After everyone in the house had finished with walks, run, and bike rides (we were an active family tonight) Patrick wanted a Blizzard. He said he'd make sure the kids got their showers and got in bed if I'd go. So, off I went to DQ. I ordered him his usual Reece's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard, and I came home with nothing. I did make myself an Herbalife chocolate and peanut butter Healthy Meal shake since I hadn't had dinner yet. I honestly wasn't hungry earlier, so I didn't eat earlier.

Happy Independence Day!

Today we celebrate our country's independence. Well, I'm going to declare my independence today, too... from fat. Yup. You heard me. I'm declaring my independence from fat.

Now, I know it won't happen overnight, and that's OK. Anything that is worth having is worth working for. Here's what I know.....

**I'm going to have to fight. Daily. And I won't win every battle. The important thing is to never surrender.

** I will have to have a plan. I can't wage this war against fat without a plan.. without an end goal in mind and a course of action I'm willing to take to get there.

** It is going to be hard. If it were easy, there would be no overweight or obese people. We'd all do the right thing to keep healthy, and we wouldn't have a need for a weight-loss plan.

** It's going to be so worth it.


So, I started today with Herbalife for my morning and midday meal. I'm drinking water. I haven't had any soda. (Actually, I gave the sodas we had here at the house to the church for the youth group activities.) I'm removing the house of as much temptation as I can. If it's not here, it's hard to cave in and indulge. Dinner tonight will be grilled burgers. (It is Independence day... we have to cookout!)

Tomorrow, I'll start the day with Herbalife. I'll also add in some movement and high protein snacks. Our dinners will be grilled/baked/broiled and lean, and we're going to have more fruits and veggies around here. Healthy food will make for a healthy body.

I will lose weight, and I will get stronger. I will be free of excess fat!!!!

Home!!! Now time to make changes!

What a wonderful vacation we had. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with family. We went to Disney's Hollywood Studios and Legoland, and then we settled in for a few days of just chilling out together. We loved going to the beach. I'd forgotten how much I loved splashing in the waves.

So, now that I'm home I need to get serious. I already know what to do to get my eating in check. Saying that part is easy isn't quite right, because honestly if eating the right things to stay trim and healthy were easy obesity wouldn't be such a problem in this country. But, I know what to do. I don't have to search for way to eat right. I know what to do, I just need to do it.

Now, what I need to do is figure out the gym thing. I basically have two options that I'm looking at. One is going back to Gold's Gym. I love Gold's Gym. They have great classes (Power and Kick are awesome, and I'm dying to try Zumba.) There are two locations, one of which has a pool - big bonus for the colder months. The other option is this gym a bunch of friends have been going to. I don't know if there are classes, but I don't think there are. But what they do have, if I'm understanding my friends' explanations correctly, is someone to teach you what to do and set you on a routine. Not only that, he monitors your progress... something I need. I need someone to hold me accountable. Someone who won't accept my excuses. Someone who will know my limitations and help me on a path to getting fit and working around those limitations. (Mainly, my knee. I can't do squats or lunges at this point due to knee issues.)

I could kick myself in the tail for gaining back what I had lost. I had lost about 30 pounds, but two hand surgeries, and knee surgery, and problems with the other knee derailed me. I let excuses get in the way of at least eating healthily. I guess I figured if I couldn't exercise like I had been, then what was the point?? Then I joined Weight Watchers and did well.. until I lost my job. Had to quit going to WW because of money, so I made excuses about why I couldn't eat right. I gotta quit making excuses and start doing.

Ugh... I hate that this is so dang hard. Guess it's time to stop making excuses and start making decisions.. like what I'm finally going to do to get fit and healthy.