Dysfunction

Our preacher's message this morning was on dysfunction. Usually when we hear the word dysfunction we thing of a family being dysfunctional or a medical condition. But dysfunction is basically when something isn't functioning the way it's supposed to.

The passage was on the man who was healed at the pool. (Follow the link to the passage.) The part that really stuck out with me was when Jesus asked the man if he wanted to get well. The man didn't say, "Yes!" He gave an excuse. He told Jesus that everyday when the water was stirred he tried to get into the pool, but no one would help him. Reverend Jody said that they believed an angel dipped her wing into the pool and swirled the water, and the first one to get into the water would be healed. The man would be trying to get into the water, and someone would go before him. Jesus told him to pick up his mat and walk, and he did.

This whole sermon was not preached on weight loss, but it really struck me that I do that. I try and try and try to lose weight, but I always seem go fail. I find an excuse for why I can't. There's always a "reason." It's almost Halloween, and the candy is all over the place. It's almost Thanksgiving, and you know how it is at Thanksgiving. It's almost Christmas, and I can't be on a diet at Christmas with all the Christmas goodies everyone is making. It's New Year's. It's Easter. It's Spring Break. It's the kids' birthdays. It's my husband's birthday. It's my birthday. It's Monday. It's Friday. It's morning. It's raining.

Yeah, the excuses get ridiculous and quite excessive.

But then Jesus said something to the man. He told him to get up, pick up his mat, and walk. The man had a choice. He could remain where he was - in that state of dysfunction. He could decide it's too hard, it's too scary, what will he do when the way he's always known is different? Or he could do just as he was told and move forward in a new direction. He chose to get up and move.

The end of that passage says the Jewish leaders confronted the man and said something to the effect of, "It's the Sabbath. You are forbidden to carry your mat on the Sabbath." You see, when the man decided to move forward in that new direction, there were obstacles. Moving forward won't be easy. And there are going to be things that get in your way. The key is to look those obstacles in the face, realize that you're moving toward a goal that is much bigger than those obstacles, and keep walking. The "limbo" between where you are and where you are going won't last forever. And think about how much better you'll be on the other side.

Thank you, Rev. Jody at Stockbridge First UMC for this message this morning. It got me, not just on the weight loss but in other ways, as well. Of course, this is weight loss and fitness blog so I think I'll just leave it at this.

Tricia

PS... if you'd like to listen to this morning's message, you can go to the Sermons page and look up the title "Dealing With Dysfunction" on September 15, 2013.

Prove Them Wrong

You know those people... the ones who, when you tell them you are trying to lose weight, they tell you that you can't. I think everyone who has been in a position of needing to lose weight has had that person, or maybe it's persons, who don't believe you can and end up putting that seed of doubt in your head... that maybe they are right.

I've never been thin, that I can remember, anyway. I distinctly remember a family member, who shall remain nameless, tell me as a teenager (yep, my dieting started way back then)that I'd never lose weight because I was part of the ________ Family. That stuck with me. It's been over 20 years since those words were uttered, and you know what? I let those words just sit there and linger in my brain. Every time I fell down, I let those words rise to the surface. I let them remind me that maybe this family member was right.

Do I think these words are the reason I fell so many times and never got back up? No. I know that my struggles are my own, and I take full responsibility for my own actions. But do I let those words bring me down when I struggle? Yep. All of the time.

Today, I'm declaring my intent to let those words go. I know it won't be easy. I know they are going to try and wedge their way back in when I fall. But I don't want those words to bring me down anymore. I can beat myself up all on my own, and I don't need those words to contribute.

So, I'm ready to do just what this picture says.... prove them wrong! Are you with me?

Never Give Up

I thought I had posted this video before, but just doing a quick glance I didn't see it. I had to find the video again and watch it because this man is so inspiring to me.

You see, like him I let someone tell me what I couldn't do. For him, a doctor told him he'd never walk again. For me, it was my physical therapist telling me that squats and lunges were a thing of the past for me. He said that with my knees and having had surgery on both of them that I'd not be able to do them again.

At first I believed him, and I didn't go back to the gym. I mean, what was the point if I couldn't do my favorite class, which includes squats and lunges? Then, I saw this video. It sent me back to the gym. I am not at the point where I can do a full squat or lunge track yet, and I don't do much of anything that requires jumping, but I'll get there. I'm not letting someone else tell me I can't.

I stayed away from Body Combat (which used to be called Kick where I go) because I was afraid of it hurting my knees. Sure, I was limited in what I could do - but it was mainly from being over 270 pounds, not because of my knee injuries and surgeries.

I'm going to keep on keeping on. I'm not going to give up. Tomorrow morning I'm going to get on the scale and own the number. And then I'm going to get my butt in gear. I will get to the gym tomorrow, if to nothing else but the elliptical, treadmill, or recumbent bike. I'm going to live each day with that day's goals in mind. I'm not going to worry about what tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year holds for me.

If I keep trying to see the end of the journey, I'm going to miss all the amazing sights along the way. In this case, I'm going to miss all those accomplishments, both big and little, that could occur on the way. Heck, if I keep trying to see my final destination rather than the roads I'm currently traveling, I may take a wrong turn and get lost. I've gotten lost too many times. It's time to get back on the road and start enjoying this journey.

And really - shouldn't I really make this my journey and enjoy the trip? Think of all the stories I'm going to get to tell. Seriously. This trip is gonna be awesome!

Combat

I've been avoiding a class I used to take at the Gym because I was sure it would hurt my knees. Well, I have a friend who wanted to try out the class, but she didn't want to alone. Our gym, like a lot of gyms, offer a trial pass.

I have to say, I had a blast! The class is called Body Combat. It's like martial arts or kickboxing - something along those lines. It's pretty funny, but you start off feeling like a fool trying to be tough. You end up probably still looking like a fool but feeling like a bad-ass. LOL (And sorry for the swearing here - I just didn't think "bad-hiney" really fit. LOL)

I had a great time, I sweat like crazy, and I walked out feeling like I'd accomplished something. I'm definitely going back! I hate I spent so long avoiding the class.

And to Les, Tami, and Tonya - thanks for a great class. To Kristen - thanks for really wanting to try out this class at the gym where I go.

Here's a promo video for the class - I don't look anywhere near as fierce as this lady. Maybe one day I will. LOL

Body Combat

Confused

I've been checking out and following a bunch of pages on Facebook lately. There are some amazing stories of not just weight loss, but getting fit and healthy. What I'm learning is that there are so many plans out there to help people achieve their health and wellness goals. Just when I think I am going to follow a particular food and/or exercise regimen, something else catches my eye. I end up eating crap because I'm just not really sure what plan I'm going to follow. You know, you don't know what to do so you just don't do anything? That mentality.

Of course, it doesn't help that I'm the queen of excuses. I use my indecision as an excuse... "until I figure out what I'm going to do, I'll just stick with what I am doing now." Which of course, is making a good choice here and there, but mostly not.

I'm feeling rather puny right now, and not really in the mood to eat right or exercise. I've got what I assume to be a cold (I teach pre-k, and we started back this week). However, I am starting back on my Herbalife shakes tomorrow. If I keep making these excuses I'll never make the changes to my health that I desire and need to make.

What my children see....

Not exactly seeing myself in a positive light here. *sigh*

Tonight I watched Jacqui's episode on Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. My kids were watching with me. They were only halfway paying attention, but when they showed her in her wedding dress it caught my daughter's attention. Here's how the conversation went.

C: Mom, when you got married were you like you are now?
Me: Look on the wall at the picture.
C: Yeah, you were. But not as bad as you are now.

*sigh*

I'm not feeling the drive tonight. Mainly, I'm just feeling low. I'm hoping it has something to do with me being worn out and not me getting ready for another fall.

I need help.

Here's me on my wedding day, November 2000.

My Story

I am a 37-year-old mother of two and a wife of 12.5 years. I have an amazing family. I met my husband at a pre-planning event the summer before we both started a new job at a local elementary school. We were just friends at first, though he had asked me out. I wouldn’t date him because we worked together, and I figured it wouldn’t work out. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I finally decided to date him to prove it wouldn’t work. That was in 1999. We were married in November 2000. In 2002 our son was born, and in 2006 daughter came along. My husband and children are the loves of my life.

My family is amazing. I am extremely blessed to have a wonderful mother who spent my entire childhood making sure that I was taken care and loved. My grandparents, aunts, and uncles also made sure I knew love. Absent in that is my father. He left my mom when she was expecting me. I’m not sure how a man can leave his wife and unborn child, but I’ve come to understand that was his issue, not mine. It took me a long time to not be bitter. I still don’t understand, and sometimes I still feel hurt, but I try to not think too much about that. I’ve been extremely fortunate to have a grandfather who loved me to pieces and has always been a daddy to me. He passed away a year ago, and I miss him terribly. My mom has remarried, and now I have a step-dad who loves me like I was one of his own. And I can’t leave out my in-laws. They have touched my life in so many ways, and I’m so glad they came with my awesome husband.

I’m currently weigh somewhere between 270 and 280 pounds. I say between because I haven’t been on the scales in a few days so I don’t know my exact weight. The last time I got on the scale is said 275.6. While this isn’t the highest I’ve ever weighed, it’s not far off from it.

I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t obese. I look back at old pictures of me, back when I thought I was huge, and wonder what I was thinking. I remember being a size 14 and telling myself that I would never be larger than that. And then, when I was a size 16, I told myself that was the largest I’d ever be. Now, at a size 22/24, I’ve been telling myself that same thing. Thankfully, I’ve been able to say this was the largest I’ll ever be for a long time. I’ve maintained this weight and size. Unfortunately, I’ve maintained this weight and size for a long time and haven’t lost any weight.

So, here I sit writing this on July 18, 2013. I started on July 7, 2013 on a journey to take better care of myself. I’ve come to the realization that I can’t do this on my own, but I can’t depend on someone else to push me, either. My motivation and determination have to come from within. Sitting on my butt and doing things the easy way are only going to lead me to more health problems and no quality of life. It’s the easy thing to do, and I’ll be the first to admit that pushing me to be more and do more scares the daylights out of me. I’m terrified of hurting myself. I’ve had surgery on both of my knees, and I don’t want to reinjure them. I learned last fall that I have a small heart defect – not one that prevents me from being active, but rather should push me to be active. My cardiologist actually recommended I exercise – not just get the weight off.

I would love to say that I’m going to do this. That I’m extremely motivated and nothing is going to stop me. But that wouldn’t be real. Yes, I’m motivated. Yes, I’m determined. But I’m also insecure. I’m scared of failing. I’m worried that I’ll disappoint myself. I’m scared of what others might think of me. I don’t have the best self-esteem around, and so I tell myself that others are looking at me. And of course, when they look at me they are judging me. They might not be, but I tell myself that.

So, here I am – a work in progress, I guess. I’m ready to take the ups and downs and pray I have the strength to get through the downs.