Saturday, December 29, 2012

Before I'm 40.....

I was just on Facebook (no surprise there) and noticed a friend is 40 today. She is stunning, both inside and out. She's vibrant, healthy.

Reading her birthday messages and the messages her husband has been posting really made me stop and think. (I've been doing that a lot lately.) When I'm 40, I want someone to look at me and think the same things I think about her. But more importantly, I want to feel that way about myself. I want to feel stunning, both inside and out. I want to feel vibrant and healthy.

So, I have until September 2015. That's when I will be 40. I'm starting now - if I get there before 9/2015, then all the better for me. Losing weight, getting healthy and fit... that's a plus for me and for my family.

Not sure if my friend will ever see this post, but just in case - Happy Birthday! Thank you for being such a great person, a friend... and, even though you probably had no idea you did it, thanks for that extra bit of inspiration to get my act together.

Friday, December 28, 2012

A New Beginning

Oh, where to begin??

I'll just put it out there. I'm fatter than ever, but I am optimistic that this is my time. I'm ready. I went to the gym today - first time I've been to the gym in months. My knee injury just wouldn't allow it. I was released by the doctor to start exercising again - easy stuff like walking or swimming - in November, but today was the first day I went back. I did a water aerobics class. My knee definitely knows it's been worked, but I'm going to keep at it. I've got to get it stronger. I'll be going back tomorrow for another water aerobics class. I'm optimistic that one day I'll be back in the class I used to go to and loved.

I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do to get my eating in check. I know I need to make changes, not just "cut back." I need to adopt a whole new, healthy way of eating. I read "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Fuhrman, and I do not think that's the plan for me. I'm now ready "The Eat Clean Diet" by Tosca Reno. I'm not sure that's the way to go, either. I really want to go back to Weight Watchers, but I'm not sure it's in the budget right now. I remember being successful on the WW plan in the past, and I wouldn't have quit the last time (when I was doing so well) had I not lost my job. Maybe I can swing it by February or March, but I can't wait that long to begin something.

What I'm really excited about is that I've got some loved ones (who shall remain nameless because it's not my place to blab about who is doing what) who are one this journey, too. We may all follow different plans, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. I know we will encourage each other, whine to each other, and maybe even scream and cuss at times about how frustrating this journey can be. But these are my girls, and I'm glad to be doing it with them

Monday, September 3, 2012

What Doesn't Motivate Me

A person I love, who shall remain nameless, has made comments to me regarding my weight. I know this person means nothing but love and encouragement - but it doesn't help. Telling me my butt isn't getting smaller, I was pretty when I thinner, I'd be so pretty if I lost weight... you get the idea... does not motivate me.

I'm trying... really trying... to take the negative comments as encouragement, but it's hard.

I have learned that I do so much better when I'm on Weight Watchers, so I'll be looking to head back there very soon.


Sunday, August 12, 2012

Out of the mouths of babes...

OK, so out of the mouth of one babe in particular. Today while standing in line at Kroger C looked over at the cover of the magazines. There was the National Inquirer staring her in the face. It was this cover.

And then, with no ill intent or meanness to her voice she said, "Look at that girl, Mommy. It looks like you."

There I stood, no idea what to say... beet red with embarrassment. How could I get on to her for stating what she saw. She wasn't trying to be mean or to hurt my feelings. And later on, she was hugging me and loving on me. My size didn't affect her love for me.

But I cringed. I don't want to be a rail-thin model (who I know is most likely airbrushed on the magazine covers), but I don't want to be that obese person, either. It was eye-opening. It strengthens my resolve to have no excuses for why I can't exercise and why I can't stick to a healthy eating plan. C isn't going to love me any less if I don't lose weight, but I hope that in the process I can make my six-year-old daughter proud of me. I want to be a good role model for her in so many ways, good health being one of them.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

No Excuses

I listen to a station called The Fish. This morning they were talking about overcoming obstacles. A lady named Sandra called in and shared her story. She and her husband had been in an accident, and in that accident she lost her husband and her ability to walk. She had to relearn how to do it. Before the accident nine months ago she had been a runner, so it was a big adjustment for her to have to have a wheelchair or walker. Since relearning how to walk she has done three 5Ks and is planning on doing more.

It got me to thinking. Sandra could have very well said after the accident, “Well, guess I can’t walk anymore.” She could have accepted that this was her new life. But she didn’t. She didn’t make excuses for why she couldn’t do it. She just did it… even when it was hard… probably even when she didn’t want to. She didn’t give up on what she wanted because getting there required work.

Sandra probably had no idea when she called the radio station this morning that she would touch someone. She made me realize that I have no excuse for not eating right and getting to the gym. “I’ve had a long day at work” won’t cut it. “I’m too tired” shouldn’t really be in my vocabulary. I’ve got a lot of weight to lose, and sitting around wishing I could lose weight is not going to make it happen. If I want it, I have to be willing to work for it. No excuses. If I’m too tired work or cook a healthy meal, I probably don’t want to reach my weight loss goal badly enough. I need to determine if my reason is valid or not. If it’s not a valid reason, then I need to do what my body needs.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Back At It

You know, this blog is called "Confessions of a Chronic Dieter for a reason. I have been on numerous diets since I was a teenager, which honestly is not good for the body. But, like so many people, I struggle with it. I'm "good" for a few days, and then temptation sneaks up on me. It starts with just a cupcake. Or maybe it's the lure of a regular Coke in the checkout line. Someone has a birthday. It's always something.

So, here I am again, starting over. I have to keep trying. If I don't, then I will surely continue to gain weight. I can't afford that - not just monetarily, but for my health. My knees hurt, my body aches, I can't keep up with my kids, and little things wear me out. I know that my weight is the reason. And I'm sick of it.

On the vanity side of things, I want to look good. I want to put on a pair of jeans and tuck in my shirt, or at least not have to find shirts long enough to cover my belly. I want to wear dresses and skirts without my thighs rubbing together and hurting. I don't want to hear, "You have such a pretty face." That's code for, "You'd be pretty if you lost weight." I don't want a new man (I love and am happy with my hubby), but it'd be nice to maybe turn a head or two. Like I said, it's vanity talking... but it's honest.

So, like I said... I'm back at it. I joined the gym this morning. I had a Greek yogurt before going to the gym and an Herbalife shake when I got home. I took a multivitamin and a cell activator (an Herbalife product that helps the cells absorb the nutrients). I'm determined to do this.

And for those who read this and are saying that I do this all the time, say this is my time, I'm going to do it, I'm super-motivated, what makes this time so different - you know... all those negative comments or thoughts.... I have to be optimistic! I have to believe that this is the time. I have to believe that this time is going to be different. I have to believe I can do it. Otherwise, what would be the point of even trying? I have to believe, and I have to try... otherwise I'll never succeed.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Good and the Bad

Let's start with the bad....

I skipped breakfast, unless you count coffee as breakfast. I just couldn't bring myself to eat breakfast this morning. And before anyone even thinks it, no I'm not pregnant. I wasn't quite awake yet. I stayed up until nearly 3AM writing a paper for my Masters class. I know the importance of breakfast, and I honestly didn't mean to skip that meal. But by the time I was up and ready to go I didn't have time and I wasn't ready for a meal yet.

OK, now for the good....

I went for a walk today. It was a leisurely walk, but it was a walk. I haven't done that in a while due to my knee problem. But even more, I didn't get anything at Dairy Queen tonight. After everyone in the house had finished with walks, run, and bike rides (we were an active family tonight) Patrick wanted a Blizzard. He said he'd make sure the kids got their showers and got in bed if I'd go. So, off I went to DQ. I ordered him his usual Reece's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard, and I came home with nothing. I did make myself an Herbalife chocolate and peanut butter Healthy Meal shake since I hadn't had dinner yet. I honestly wasn't hungry earlier, so I didn't eat earlier.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy Independence Day!

Today we celebrate our country's independence. Well, I'm going to declare my independence today, too... from fat. Yup. You heard me. I'm declaring my independence from fat.

Now, I know it won't happen overnight, and that's OK. Anything that is worth having is worth working for. Here's what I know.....

**I'm going to have to fight. Daily. And I won't win every battle. The important thing is to never surrender.

** I will have to have a plan. I can't wage this war against fat without a plan.. without an end goal in mind and a course of action I'm willing to take to get there.

** It is going to be hard. If it were easy, there would be no overweight or obese people. We'd all do the right thing to keep healthy, and we wouldn't have a need for a weight-loss plan.

** It's going to be so worth it.

So, I started today with Herbalife for my morning and midday meal. I'm drinking water. I haven't had any soda. (Actually, I gave the sodas we had here at the house to the church for the youth group activities.) I'm removing the house of as much temptation as I can. If it's not here, it's hard to cave in and indulge. Dinner tonight will be grilled burgers. (It is Independence day... we have to cookout!)

Tomorrow, I'll start the day with Herbalife. I'll also add in some movement and high protein snacks. Our dinners will be grilled/baked/broiled and lean, and we're going to have more fruits and veggies around here. Healthy food will make for a healthy body.

I will lose weight, and I will get stronger. I will be free of excess fat!!!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Home!!! Now time to make changes!

What a wonderful vacation we had. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with family. We went to Disney's Hollywood Studios and Legoland, and then we settled in for a few days of just chilling out together. We loved going to the beach. I'd forgotten how much I loved splashing in the waves.

So, now that I'm home I need to get serious. I already know what to do to get my eating in check. Saying that part is easy isn't quite right, because honestly if eating the right things to stay trim and healthy were easy obesity wouldn't be such a problem in this country. But, I know what to do. I don't have to search for way to eat right. I know what to do, I just need to do it.

Now, what I need to do is figure out the gym thing. I basically have two options that I'm looking at. One is going back to Gold's Gym. I love Gold's Gym. They have great classes (Power and Kick are awesome, and I'm dying to try Zumba.) There are two locations, one of which has a pool - big bonus for the colder months. The other option is this gym a bunch of friends have been going to. I don't know if there are classes, but I don't think there are. But what they do have, if I'm understanding my friends' explanations correctly, is someone to teach you what to do and set you on a routine. Not only that, he monitors your progress... something I need. I need someone to hold me accountable. Someone who won't accept my excuses. Someone who will know my limitations and help me on a path to getting fit and working around those limitations. (Mainly, my knee. I can't do squats or lunges at this point due to knee issues.)

I could kick myself in the tail for gaining back what I had lost. I had lost about 30 pounds, but two hand surgeries, and knee surgery, and problems with the other knee derailed me. I let excuses get in the way of at least eating healthily. I guess I figured if I couldn't exercise like I had been, then what was the point?? Then I joined Weight Watchers and did well.. until I lost my job. Had to quit going to WW because of money, so I made excuses about why I couldn't eat right. I gotta quit making excuses and start doing.

Ugh... I hate that this is so dang hard. Guess it's time to stop making excuses and start making decisions.. like what I'm finally going to do to get fit and healthy.

Sunday, June 3, 2012


Isn't that a beautiful word???

We're visiting my in-laws... it's awesome... get to spend time with family and go to the beach! Win-win!!

But, and there's always a but... I had to get a swimsuit. The one I'd worn for a few years (yes, years!) is pretty worn out. So, off my mother-in-law and I went in search of a swimsuit.

First stop - Kohl's. What in the world were the people at Kohl's thinking? I know they have buyers who select the clothing they are going to carry in their stores. They must think that if someone is overweight that their brain is too full of fat cells to have any sort of fashion sense. Or something. I found only one suit that was tolerable, and it was $92. That's about $75 more than I'd want anyone to spend on a suit they found simply "tolerable."

So, we went to Lane Bryant. There I was able to find a tankini and bottom that I actually liked, though I must admit I'm showing a bit more up top than I've ever shown. I'm sure that will make for an interesting first few trip out, either too the beach or pool.

So, tomorrow will be the first trip out... the beach. I'm kinda scared. LOL

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Ash Wednesday - Lent, Day 1

Being raised Southern Baptist, giving up something for Lent wasn't really our thing. Honestly, I thought it was a Catholic thing. Now, having been married to a Methodist and going to a Methodist church for 11 years now, I'm sorta getting the idea of Lent. I've only observed Lent once. I had decided to give up coffee. The only problem with that was the first day of Lent was smack-dab in the middle of a vacation week. We were at Disney. Our family happily got up and carried ourselves down to the breakfast buffet. Not thinking, I made myself a cup of coffee. Halfway through the cup I remembered what day it was, and I nearly choked. LOL

So, this year our preacher has encouraged us to do not give something up, but to take something on. I'm still trying to get the hang of giving something up. I think the problem I had with the idea of giving something up was that in my mind it needed honor God somehow, and I couldn't figure out how giving up coffee would honor God or help me grow spiritually. So, I've decided to take something on this year. But, wouldn't you know that when I find a way to honor God in Lent by taking something on, I also find a way to do it though giving something up??? What's a girl to do but do both, right?

Taking on: Prayer. I will be honest and say that I don't pray as often as I should. Oh yeah, I pray when someone's sick or I'm in a bind. But honest, daily talks with God.... I don't do that. I do it sporadically, at best. I'm committing to pray for our church and the school system, specifically.

Giving Up: I've decided to give up sweets (candy, cakes/cupcakes, cookies, desserts, etc), sugared sodas, and junk snack food. Laying in bed last night, really wondering what to do about Lent this year - and wondering if I was even going to do anything about it at all - it hit me. I've been trying to lose weight for so long, and I always get sidetracked by what out to be indulgences. I don't honor God with my body. I've taken horrible care of the body He gave me. It's time I treated the body He gave me with the care He'd want me to. God doesn't want me to be fat and unhealthy. So, I'm ousting some of the very things that stand in the way of me getting and being healthy. I've already limited the things I'm giving up, but I'll be honest and say that I've indulged in them a lot more than I should lately.

So, there you go. In 40 days(I think)I hope to have a better relationship with God, and also be be healthier.

Sunday, February 5, 2012


Yesterday I was flipping through pages of one of my notebooks because my husband said our daughter had drawn on some of the pages. I ran across a picture she drew for me, and at the top she wrote my name. "Moommy."

One one hand, it was hysterical. On the other hand, I thought maybe it was a bit sad. The "moo" part, I mean. I know my daughter wasn't comparing me to a cow. But so many days I feel like a cow. You know. Stand around (sitting, in my case) doing nothing but eat and watch the day slip by. There's a lot of life I could be living, but I'd gotten used to being my size. I'd come to accept that "I'm just going to be fat." I'd gotten comfortable doing nothing.

I've toyed with getting fit. I go on various diets. I've got a full shelf of diet and exercise books upstairs in the bedroom. If I put them out at a yard sale, people would look at them and then at me, and then they'd walk away saying those books must not work. I've come to the realization that a diet isn't going to work. I've got to change the way I view food and my diet (not a thing I go on, but the foods I consistently put in my body)needs a drastic overhaul.

This lifestyle change, because I refuse to call it a diet, is hard as heck. I wish I could tell you that I don't crave or want the junk. That hasn't happened for me yet, but it's getting better. Weekends are still my undoing, and this one has been no different. But I think it's been better. I'm working to make today as good as I can so I can say the whole weekend wasn't wasted.

Goals for the Week
1. Drink my two Herbalife shakes each day and have a healthy meal at dinner. Have the Herbal Tea with my shakes.
2. Drink 128oz of water each day. That's 4 quarts. It's 1 gallon. It's doable.
3. Move! Aim for 30 minutes of exercise each day. I wish I could get back to Gold's Gym. It's a bit odd to say I love a gym, but I really do love that place. Since I can't do the gym right now, I'm aiming for activity on the Wii. I've got Wii Fit, Zumba, Wii Active, and I've borrowed Just Dance 2. I have no excuse to not do something.

Saturday, February 4, 2012


Weekends usually are my downfall. I don't know why, they just are. I'm trying to make a conscious effort to not let this weekend throw me off balance. I didn't do too well last night. I ran to the store for a couple things before dinner (I was hungry) and came home with a chocolate cake. So, I've got to tap into every ounce of willpower within me to not eat anymore. I'm actually hope Patrick and the kids take care of it while I'm gone today. Sad, I know.

I did start my Saturday off right, though my knees weren't pleased with me. I got up this morning and went on a 1-mile walk. I know to many people one mile is nothing. To me, it's huge. I had surgery on my left knee back in November. (I fell back in June and injured my knee.) My right knee has hurt me off and on for years, but never consistently enough to need to do anything about it. It started hurting more consistently in January. Figures, huh? First of the year and my deductible isn't met now. I really don't want to have surgery on my right knee, so I'm hoping getting the weight off will take the pressure off my right knee and ease the pain.

Anyway, I'm really proud of myself for getting my walk in. About halfway my knees started bothering me, but I kept going. (My only other option was to sit down and wait for Patrick to get back from Home Depot.) It took me 24:16 to walk 1.08 miles. I hope to improve that time and distance, but for now, it's movement. It's more than I was doing. So I'm happy.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Water, Water, Water... and More Water

I think I'm going to float away. Seriously. I've been told I should have half my body weight in ounces of water each day. If I were 120 pounds, this wouldn't be a problem. But holy moly!!!! I'm drinking 4 quarts, or more, of water here.

Today is the first day I'm actually doing this. I've known for a about a week that I should be drinking this insane amount of water, but I haven't been doing it. I decided that today I was going to start. My goal is to do this every day for the rest of the month, with the exception of when I am traveling. Stopping every hour (or more) isn't exactly a good idea on a long trip. Of course, I've heard that when your body actually has the water it needs and it's gotten used to getting this much water each day, you don't have to potty as much. I'll believe that when/if it happens.

So, it's a short post today.... I need to go potty.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

It's Not About Being Perfect, Just Better

There was a cooking show on a while back where one lady made a "regular" dish, and the other lady made a lightened up version of the same dish. I wish I could remember the name of the show, but I don't guess that's important. What stuck with me from the show was their view. They would often say, "It's not about being perfect, just better."

So often when I try to lose weight (which I've done often and for years and years) I give up after I fall. My last blog entry was about getting back up when you fall. This goes right along with it. So many times I've messed up, and I've let that one mess up completely throw me off. Maybe it was one meal that I completely lost all willpower and ate what I know I shouldn't have. Or maybe it was drinking a regular Coke when I should have had diet... or even better - water!

Whatever it is that I did that I viewed as a "mess up" would usually lead to the "well, I've already blown it for today, so I might has well eat/drink this, too" mentality. Or my favorite... "I'll get back on track tomorrow." I bet I'm not the only one who says that. I know I can't be the only one who says that. If I were, there wouldn't be so many people who are always on a diet - maybe the same diet over and over again or maybe bouncing around from one diet to the next. I've done both of these. How many times have I joined Weight Watchers or tried a variety of the popular diets out there? Way too many to be proud of. And yet, here I am right where I've always been. Obese and miserable. It seems tomorrow rarely ever came when it came to getting back on track.

Yesterday as I was checking out of the grocery store, not really thinking I picked up a 20oz Coke. I was halfway through the Coke when I realized I was laying off all sodas, regular and diet. My first thought was "I've already had half, might as well have the rest." And I did. In that past, that would have been my undoing. It would have been weeks before I "started over."

After the Coke, I got to thinking. How much regular soda had I been consuming in a day - just a few days before? I can guarantee it was more than 20oz. So I had a slip. It happens. Life isn't perfect. Weight loss isn't perfect. It's not all or nothing. There will be good days and not-so-good days. What's important is that I learn from those slips. What I learned was that the slips happen, but I can't let an "ooops" define me. I'm too special to be defined by my mistakes.

So how did my night end? Did I fall back into my "well I blew it today, I'll start over tomorrow" routine? I'm proud to say I did not. So, I had a Coke. I also had a delicious dinner of homemade chicken tacos, Caesar salad, and rice. (The rice wasn't that good - I tossed the leftovers. It was one of those Mexican rice bagged things. Yeah. Not a fan.) I didn't snack on junk food that night. When I got hungry later on, rather than looking for junk I ate the leftover salad.

I can't strive for perfection. I'll never reach it, and I'll only end up disappointed. But each day I can strive to be better. Sometimes I'll blow it. That OK... so long as in the long run I'm better!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Falling Down

I didn't realize it'd been so long since I posted. I'm really not much good at this whole blogging thing, huh?

Well, a lot has happened since I last posted. I had knee surgery, which put me down for a bit. I was really proud of myself for only gaining about a pound through all of it. Then, about two weeks before Christmas, I was laid off from my job. I had to quit Weight Watchers, and that totally messed me up. I was in some sort of funk. Subconsciously I guess I figured if I couldn't go to Weight Watchers, I couldn't do anything. So, I didn't track. I ate what I wanted, though I did make some decent choices. I drank what I wanted, though those choices weren't usually good. I let the Coca-Cola habit sneak back in.

I fell down! I let old habits creep back in. I let life derail me again.

So I made it through Christmas and welcomed in the new year with the same mindset that everyone seems to be in.. I'm going to lose weight. But I refused to call it a New Year's Resolution. I always stink at those. I decided I was going to pick up where I left off. The only trouble is, I didn't. I was still in a funk. Add to that, one of my dearest friends was hurting, and I let my concern for her be my excuse for not doing what's good for me. And the really ironic thing is through all of the stress and pain she managed to take care of herself much better than I was.

Fast forward to today. Where am I? What am I doing?

Well, I'm finally coming out of my funk. I'm finding my motivation again. I don't feel like pulling a blanket over my head and ignoring the world. I woke up yesterday with some determination. I decided that I was going to start back on Herbalife. It worked well for me before, and I love the products. I had a shake for breakfast and another for lunch, and then we had a delicious, healthy dinner of steak, green beans,and corn-on-the-cobb. I wish I could say I was "perfect" yesterday, but I wasn't. I caved last night and ate some yummy junk. The sad part is it wasn't even stuff we had here in the house. I sent my husband out to get it. (And since the junk was eclairs, he was more than happy to make the trip to the store. He loves eclairs.) Today, my goal is to do better.

So yeah.. I fell down... and I fell hard. The important thing about falling down is that you don't just stay there.. lying on the ground.. wallowing in whatever crappy circumstances led to the fall. It's OK if you fall down sometimes.. just be sure that when you fall you also get back up.